Okay, Brad and Angelina. You've finally added twins to your brood - a boy named Knox Leon and a girl named Vivienne Marcheline. Congratulations! The names are pretty normal (even bland) by Hollywood standards. Considering Maddox, Pax, Zahara and Shiloh, I wasn't sure what to expect. But you've done good. I'm not a fan of "Knox" but it could've been a lot worse. So good on ya.

Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman, however, you guys went to the dark side. Or the side of stupidity. Or cruelty, depending on how one wants to look at it. Sunday Rose Urban Kidman - seriously??? You named your kid SUNDAY??? When you say it, you don't know if it's a day of the week or dessert! And the decisions your daughter will have to make if she wants to get married someday. Last names to nix: Driver, Stroll, Best, Morning - I'm sure we can find more.

But even that could be worse. We haven't forgotten you, Gwyneth and Chris. You named your daughter Apple!!! WHY??!!? You've got something against bananas? Or grapes? I know Peaches Geldof wasn't amused. But no one's listening to her. She's telling them all to stop this nonsense - and we all know why. These are STUPID NAMES!!! But no one in Hollywood wants to give their kid a NORMAL name. That's too boring. Too unoriginal. Too "regular" - it's what the rest of us do. Most of us anyway.

But if Apple, Peaches and Sunday don't concern you, what about Pilot Inspektor??? You'd think the star of My Name is Earl would name his son Melvin or something. Not Pilot Inspektor. That's not a name - it's a profession. Kind of like Talk Show Host. But Jason must be friends with Shannyn Sossamon. That actress named her kid Audio Science. Audio Science. Why not Plant Biology?? Or Cherry Pudding for that matter?

Why doesn't somebody just name their kid Salad? Or Scissors? Microphone, anyone? Lamp?

My parents had two names picked out before I was born: Michael or Michelle. Thank you SO much. Now if we could just discuss that last name....